Expectations Through The Holiday's
Rebecca Fleetwood Hession: (singing) This is Rebecca Fleetwood Hession host of the Badass Women's Council podcast. And I'm super glad that you're here. We provide reflection and connection for the high achieving woman. So obviously the podcast episode you're listening to by yourself. So the connection you can find at badasswomenscouncil. community, come on in and join us. All right, here we go.( singing) It's holiday week y'all. Are you ready for it? You know what I think is the most interesting and sometimes maddening part of the holidays is expectations and PS, it's also the most maddening part of life, right? As we have these expectations that we set for ourselves and others. And then when things don't go exactly as the story we made up go, we can either be disappointed or we can recalibrate those expectations. And I think, especially for the holidays, when emotions are running high and expectations are running high, we can either set ourselves up for something beautiful, which might include some surprises, or we can be disappointed when it doesn't turn out like we'd hoped. And I think what is even more tricky about the holidays and expectations is we have decades and generations worth of traditions and things from the past that sometimes we choose to pull forward and sometimes we choose to let go and rarely are those holiday traditions made in isolation. And so it involves a lot of other people's expectations trying to come together. And I know that has been the biggest challenge for me. My entire life is trying to ensure everybody I care about has a great holiday experience from their own set of expectations and traditions. And you all, I just had to get to the point where I realized that I'm not Santa Claus, man, and I can't make everyone happy. And the more I tried over the years to make everyone else happy and for everyone else to live out their best holiday, the worst, my God. And I think the trauma and the drama of going through divorce about five or six years ago, forced us to dismantle a lot of our holiday traditions and expectations, and start to create some new ones. And while I would never, ever in a million years wish that upon anyone, the practice of deciding what got started or what stayed, has really been being intentional about what the holidays are. And I think that's the key, right, is just to know why you're doing something and to enjoy whatever that experience brings. I feel really blessed that finally now, five or six years past the divorce, we still do traditions that involve my ex- husband and his family, and I'll be spending Christmas with them. And my ex- husband goes to, is here for Christmas day with us. And I feel really, really blessed that we've been able to get to this place for the holidays. And I say all that, because I know this week you've been running around like a crazy person trying to manage everybody's expectations. And now that we're right here at the holidays, I think the best present that you can give yourself and those that you love the most is to be present in whatever experiences that you've decided for these next few days and just be there and be openhearted, open- minded, open eyes to see and explore all that that brings. We are unable to do some of the things we normally do because both of my kids work retail. So they both work until 6: 00 PM on Christmas Eve. So there goes Christmas Eve church, which makes me super sad in some ways, but I also am really proud of my kids and they're pouring into their work and are really successful. And I want to honor their hard work and that that means something to them. So we'll get together for dinner with their dad on Christmas Eve and have a nice dinner together. And I just want to look them in the eyes and be grateful and be present and bring loving kindness to that meal, because that is our Christmas Eve. And then on Christmas day, my grandfather is not doing well. And so my parents are taking care of him and probably not going to get to spend Christmas day with them like we'd hoped and always have, and it might end up being a Zoom call, smart TV to smart TV. I don't know yet. We're still trying to figure out what that looks like, but my commitment is just to be present, whatever it decides to be. So that's it. I just wanted to pop on this week and talk about my thoughts in that regard about letting go of expectations sometimes brings the best surprises and things that you could have never planned for yourself. So if there's one takeaway from today's episode for this holiday season, it's let some shit go. Just let this be a chance for you to be present and see what kind of surprise presence show up for you this holiday season, which means things don't have to be perfect. In fact, perfection makes people uncomfortable. If it's a little messier, if people feel more eager and interested to step into that. So one of the greatest things that I learned to do when I was entertaining and hosting for gatherings, and actually studied gathering for a little while to understand what made a great party and a great experience, is to leave some things undone so that when people come in, you can ask for their help, have little stations set up just so, how can you mix that salad? Can you put the ice in the glasses, whatever it is. But when people participate, they feel more a part of, which can be counterintuitive because we think that we're there to host them and to take care of them. And we want everything to be done so that they can just relax and enjoy themselves. But studies show that people don't relax as much and enjoy themselves as much when things look a little too perfect. Because they're afraid they're going to mess it up or they're not worthy of it. But when things aren't all the way done and they've got a job to do, now involvement breeds commitment, and they become a part of that experience. So the first takeaway is let some shit go. And the second one is ask for help in a beautiful part of the experience. Let them participate in helping. So I hope you have, have an amazing holiday and that afterwards, as you move into what I call reflection season, that week between Christmas and New Year's when you start to reflect back on this past year and everything that it's been, the good, the bad, the indifferent is to really focus in on those things that went well so that you can capitalize on more of that going into the new year. But we also have this tendency the week between Christmas and New Year's to think about what we want in the coming year. And I would love for you to let this reflection season be less about what you want to have next year or less about what you want to do next year in 2022, but more about who you want to be. Who do you want to be in 2022? Separate from the roles that you play and the things that you achieve. Because when we can get really confident and comfortable in who we are, wow, then what you want to do and the things you want to have tend to come to you in a much more organic fashion. So the most rewarding work that I've done with my clients is to help them identify who they really are. And then from there, they can start to guide their career in big, bold, beautiful ways. So, hey, if you'd like some help with that, I have designed an experience. It's all virtual. It's going to take place throughout 2022, starting in late January. And it's called 2022 Badass Breakthroughs. And I named it breakthroughs because I want us to break through some of our old patterns and start to set some new intentions based on who we are. And I have really defined badass for this experience and everything that I build moving forward as an act of being intensely self- aware. I think that that idea of being someone so confident in who they are, that you get the attention of others in a beautiful, curious kind of way, is the best definition of badass that we could ask for. So if you want some help being badass in 2022, we're going to do 10 women in an all virtual experience throughout the year, just 10. I want it to be a very high touch, high impact experience. We'll meet once a month one- on- one. So one- on- one coaching with me and once a month as a group, so you can be anywhere in the country. We have people from all over that are taking a look at this. Actually, we have four of the seats already booked. So we've got six openings. I'd love to chat with you about it. Like I said, we start late January, one- on- one coaching with me and a one- on- one group experience. And you'll also get monthly, a set of reflection questions for you to use. And I'll provide you with a really beautiful journal to capture some of that and give us a chance to work through and talk through it. So if you want to look at being more you in 2022, I can help you with that. All right, you all. I am sending you all the love this holiday season, and I can't wait to experience 2022 with you. Make it a great season. When I work with my clients, I want them to discover their unique, personal story. So they can then stand tall in that story and live a life full of soul and emotions and their natural curiosity about their unique gifts, talents, and abilities so they can live a thriving life. Because our brains are hardwired for stories and our brain wants us to thrive. So I help my clients tap into that. And I also have a sponsor for this podcast called Storybook, which is a unique and innovative platform that helps you bring your company's stories to life by tapping into the emotional flow and the natural curiosity that we have about your products and services. So check come out. You can go to my website, wethrive. live, click on the stand tall on your story link and see the kind of work they're doing for us or go to their site cantaloupe. tv, and there's hundreds of stories there that they've created that you can experience. Check them out. We're so grateful to work with them and for them to sponsor the podcast. And please join the online community at badasswomenscouncil. community, where we can continue the conversation and you can meet other badass high achievers like you. Thanks so much, make it a great day. If you like the music for the podcast, go to iTunes, Spotify, wherever you listen to your music and look up Cameron Hession clouds, you can download the full song there. He's got some other stuff out there as well. And you all, he's my son. It would be great if you'd go and download some of his stuff.( singing)
In today's holiday episode, Rebecca discusses expectations through the holidays.