Learning How to Ask for Help with Carla Hayden

Episode Thumbnail
This is a podcast episode titled, Learning How to Ask for Help with Carla Hayden. The summary for this episode is: Today's episode is all about asking for help as Carla Hayden, COO for hopewriters, shares how she has learned to make the ask. Most of us are not great about asking for help, so therefore we don't have the opportunity to get good at it. We will hear from Carla how she has found the intention to practice and follow a bit of a checklist to get better at asking for help.
Understanding that the content that you create is important
00:58 MIN
Giving and receiving after taking an initiative to reach out to others
00:26 MIN
Being intentional
00:50 MIN
Learning to trust
00:31 MIN
The trap of downplaying big events in your life
00:15 MIN
Taking the risk to ask for help
00:59 MIN
The steps on being intentional to ask for help
01:05 MIN
Be clear about the ask for help
00:49 MIN
Reflecting and connecting
00:17 MIN
Making the ask
00:13 MIN
It brings others joy to help
00:13 MIN
Checklist for asking others to help you
00:39 MIN

Rebecca F. Hession: Hello. This is Rebecca Fleetwood Hession, host of The Baddass Women's Council Podcast. We're here for reflection and connection for the badass, high- achieving woman like you. So thanks for being here. And since you're here, you might as well just hit the subscribe button. I mean, don't be silly. You don't want to miss a minute of any of the episodes coming up. Today's episode we talk about asking for help. I'm going to guess that most of us aren't great at this. I know I wasn't. And I believe that because we don't do it often, there's not an opportunity to get good at it. So in this episode, we have Carla Hayden. And Carla is the COO of an organization called hope* writers. She's also one of my dear friends. And we'll talk about how we met today. It's one of my favorite parts of the story. But one of the things I love about Carla, just one, there's a laundry list, is that she lives with such great intention. And this episode highlights her learning to ask for help. And again, I say learning to ask for help, and doing it with great intention. So in this episode, you're going to hear a lot of great conversation and story, but there's also a little bit of a checklist towards the end of the episode about how do we do that, asking for help? Here we go. Hey, Carla. How's it going?

Carla Hayden: So good. How are you?

Rebecca F. Hession: Super good. Now that you're up and at'em and back into the world, it makes me feel better knowing that Carla is upright.

Carla Hayden: That's right. Upright and mobile and making things happen already. 2021.

Rebecca F. Hession: That's what we're going to talk about today, is you had a pretty significant surgery recovery time. And we're going to talk a little bit about that today. But first I just want to say, I am thrilled to have you as a guest on the podcast because you have been a loyal lifetime Badass Women's Council Podcast listener. Thank you.

Carla Hayden: Absolutely. Since the first episode, this podcast is a hundred percent in my top five. It's the top five that I listen to. It's the top five that I recommend, no matter who you are. But especially for high achieving women, because the guests that you have on are so relatable. And I know for me, when I first started listening to your podcast, I was in a season of life where I was put into a pretty new leadership role for myself. And it was so comforting and refreshing to hear other women talk about the same fears, the same concerns, the same struggles that I was experiencing as a newbie at the leadership level. And it became like a friend you never knew you needed. Because for me, the role that I was in, it was in an all- male company. It was a construction company. And so all of the leadership team members were male. And I don't know whether this is politically correct or not, but the last thing I was going to do is be the chick on the team that had questions about leadership. So this was my go- to. It was a resource for me, but also a cheerleader. I would listen to it when I would take a shower and get ready for work and I would feel confidence and courage just infusing me. And so, yeah, I've loved this podcast. And true story, it's actually a written bucket list item for me to be on Rebecca's podcast.

Rebecca F. Hession: Oh my gosh. You never shared that with me. Oh my gosh. That brings me so much joy. I have chills and tears and stuff.

Carla Hayden: Yes. And this was back when you were recording in your closet. So I think my actual bucket list item is...

Rebecca F. Hession: Get in Rebecca's closet.

Carla Hayden: Yes.

Rebecca F. Hession: We could have done that. I mean.

Carla Hayden: I know we could have. It's fine.

Rebecca F. Hession: But you know what's interesting is gosh, just hearing you say that feels so full circle moment. Because I remember the first time we met in person, you had been listening to my first handful of episodes. I mean, probably less than 10. We met at Starbucks and as we were talking, you referred back to some things that I had said in an episode. And I got in my car that day and I thought, " Holy crap, people actually listen to this." Because one of the things that's weird about whether you're a writer or whether you're podcasting or anything that you create kind of in isolation, and then you broadcast it out into the world in some way. And sometimes you just forget about it. Sometimes you need to forget about it because you feel too vulnerable or you just forget about it because you moved on to the next thing. And when I realized that people like yourself was literally my target market of people I wanted to reach were listening and you were referring to things, I took it more seriously after that day. I mean, putting it out there took this huge act of courage in and of itself. And I kind of just had to say to myself, I'm just going to put out whatever kind of shitty episodes I need to just to get started. And that was an important part of the process. So if anybody's thinking about doing a podcast, you just got to put out the first shitty episodes. But then I got in my car that day and I thought, this is a thing. Treat it with the respect that she's receiving it in. And so we've never had this conversation. So that feels really good to just talk about how much we need each other and why community and connection is such an important part of life and career. Because had I not had that experience with you to affirm me in that connection moment, I might've kept putting out more shitty episodes. I mean, it was really important to the process. So thank you.

Carla Hayden: Well, nobody would have ever known. Because from your very first episode with Christine, I was hooked. I was like, that's it. I'm not missing an episode. I'm listening to them in order. I'm subscribing. I'm downloading. I'm saving. I'm relistening to some of these things. And funny thing is that some of the people that you've had on are local here to the Indianapolis area. And so I've been able to meet them and they've become part of my network and I've become part of theirs. One of the things that I think you do so well is that you serve your listener so well. You are so intentional about being a connector and a resource. And I get the benefit of knowing you in real life and living within driving distance of you. But even if I were just listening to your podcast and I was in a different state, what you present and the guests that you have is so valuable. So absolutely. I mean, if those were considered your shitty first episodes, man, pretty impressive.

Rebecca F. Hession: Thank you. How did this podcast turn into being all about me? Oh my goodness. Stop. Stop. No, don't. I'm just kidding. So this topic is relevant to where we're going in this conversation, because really what we're talking about is giving and receiving. And that's exactly what I experienced with the podcast when we first met, is that giving and receiving of the affirmation. But the other part of that, that you just referenced is you've had a chance to reach out and build real community in real life with people as a result of these podcast guests only because you took the initiative to reach out to many of them. And same experience here. Lindsay Tjepkema, one of our common friends, she reached out to me from the podcast and we've become like you and I, really good friends and business partners and all the things. But it takes that intentionality and that courage to send the email, send the LinkedIn message, send the request that says, " Hey, I loved what you said. I'd love to meet for coffee." And so that's part of that giving and receiving. And you are probably one... Not probably. Just erase that. You are one of the most intentional people I know. You are intentional about your relationships, about your career, about your kids, about your faith, about your calendar, about your movement. I mean, I've had the joy of working with you on some projects. And it's just so mind blowing to me how intentional you are with your life. So you're always about like, I'm going to give, give, give, give, give. And then you were in the situation this past year where you knew you were going in for a surgery that was going to take you out for... How many weeks was your recovery?

Carla Hayden: Eight weeks.

Rebecca F. Hession: So even more than baby recovery, this was significant amount of time in a brand new career as the COO at hope* writers. And the intentionality that you put into preparing for that was so great. Because I know it takes huge amounts of vulnerability and courage to receive help.

Carla Hayden: Yeah.

Rebecca F. Hession: What was that like when you looked out across the horizon over the timeline and knew that you had to ask for help? What were the feelings? Because then you went into action. But before you went into action, what were you feeling?

Carla Hayden: Crippling fear, actually. But for a lot of different reasons. One of them probably is I am an Enneagram eight. And I would venture to say I'm a healthy Enneagram eight. But one of the things that typical Enneagram eights don't love is vulnerability. And to put myself out there to say I need help was so incredibly terrifying. I mean, we're not just talking like, ooh, little butterflies in the stomach. It was like beads of sweat. I'm going to have to put myself out there. I'm going to have to make myself vulnerable. And a lot of people, I think who misunderstand an Enneagram eight or me personally and my personality, a lot of people commented, " Oh, is it because you won't be in control?" And it was like, no, it actually is this major fear of rejection. What if I put myself out there with a need and nobody responds or people say no? And it was almost this idea that what if I have invested in these relationship banks all over, whether it be my spiritual community, my professional community, my neighborhood community, whatever that looks like. What if I invested all of this of myself in these banks, and now I'm going to go and withdraw and there's nothing there? What if I come up short? And that was terrifying to face. But I am a woman of faith. And so I have a pretty active prayer life. And in my time of prayer of really just confessing this fear, a crippling fear. I mean, people who know me would probably be shocked to know that I was as afraid to do this as I was because I don't present that way. I'm an adventurous person. I'm pretty confident and courageous when it comes to my profession and things like that. But something as simple as asking for help, a crippling fear. And so in my prayer time, I was praying about this and really it came down to the reality that this was going to be a very tangible way that God was going to bring healing to some areas of wounding that I have carried probably my entire life. Different messages and lies and different things that people projected onto me that I've carried my whole life. And again, for all intents and purposes, I'm a successful individual. But inside I was carrying these things and they were affecting my ability to be vulnerable. I'm authentic. Don't get me wrong people. When you get to know me, I am who I am. Within five minutes, that's who I am the whole time you're going to know me. But there was a side of me that was so afraid to expose that vulnerability, not because I wanted to look like" I am woman. Hear me roar. I can do all things." But because what if I get rejected? And so that's how I felt honestly. And it was terrifying.

Rebecca F. Hession: I'm so glad you're having this conversation with us today, because I have found that as well. That it is this really raw place to be when you've prided yourself on always being available for others and always taking care of things. And again, not from the sense of controlling things, but saying, " Oh my gosh, what if I reach out and there's nobody there?" Is a real thing. And I know from a spiritual sense and a neuroscience sense that in order for us to feel a sense of thriving, we have to not just reach out and give help. We have to open ourselves to receive it in order for our selves to feel whole, to feel like we're growing, prospering, flourishing. And so once you got over... I don't know if you got over it, but stepped into the fear and stepped into this place of complete uncertainty. We talk a lot about uncertainty on the podcast as well. You were doing something you'd never done before. And once you stepped into that and started into the planning process, how did things evolve?

Carla Hayden: Well, I first want to say, I know you and I talk a lot about the difference between fear and uncertainty. And this was absolutely uncertainty, but it was real fear too. I felt like a bear was chasing me. Once my surgery date was scheduled and I knew like this window is closing for me to do all the things by myself, it did like heart racing, like I said, beads of sweat, the whole deal. But I think for me, it also came down to recognizing that it wasn't that I hadn't done it before. I think what was terrifying for me was that there were instances in my past where I had extended myself to ask for help. And I had maybe the proverbial hand slap of like no. And so it became an issue of, will you step out again? And this is I think where my faith really was activated in this new area. And like you said, it wasn't a matter of just getting over it. It was stepping into it and stepping into it again and recognizing that we're not static. We're dynamic and life moves and changes. And so just as much as I wasn't that same person that may have asked however many years ago to a totally different group of people, this was going to be new and different. And would I trust again? That's really what vulnerability is, isn't it? I mean, it's about trusting. So I did it. I stepped out. And what that looked like for me was telling people that I was having the surgery in the first place and not overplaying it, but also not downplaying it. And that's I think a trap that a lot of us fall into. That we downplay how big certain things are in our lives.

Rebecca F. Hession: By saying it's fine. I'll be fine. Everything's fine.

Carla Hayden: I'm fine. It's not a big deal. And because we're worried. What if it takes me longer to recover? We have this really weird measuring stick that doesn't actually exist and yet we use it all the time. And so the first thing was just telling people about it.

Rebecca F. Hession: I remember that Instagram post that you put out. Because we had talked about it prior. And just to give some context, you are a single mom. You have adult children, but they're busy. They're working. They have their own lives. Some of them don't live here in the city. And you literally were planning for meals and transportation and getting to the surgery. So it was very practical, tactical needed help. And we had been talking about it. But I remember the day that the Instagram post went out, and you have such a fun way that you do your stories. You're a great writer. And so I saw that and I messaged you immediately. And I said, are you okay? Because I knew that you were sweaty palmed hitting send on that. But it was done really, really well. And you didn't sugar coat it. That was the thing that I loved about it, is I thought, you know what? She's asking for help with the same level of intentionality that she's led the rest of her life, like this is who she is.

Carla Hayden: Yeah. And I think that that was important for me. And that was a personal wrestle, right? How do I ask for help and still be a strong person? And I think in my mind, I had to get over the hurdle that asking for help somehow made me this victim with no power and no control and no courage. And as a matter of fact, it was like, this is one of the scarier harder things that I'm walking through. And I've been through a lot. I mean, I have not lived a storied palace encased life. But why going through this surgery and asking for help ranks in the top three scariest things I've ever been through, I think because it involved me wrestling with the why. That I was a victim. That the only way to get help was to make it seem like it was worse than it was, or to just not ask for help at all. And so finding that balance between sharing appropriately what the real deal was, my emotions about it, what the surgery was, what was actually going to happen, how long it was going to take, and risking. It was a risk. Risking people's response and risking the response of, " Oh, that happened to me. It's no big deal." Or not responding at all, almost like I don't exist or nobody cares. It's a risk. You don't have control over how people are going to respond. But in that period of time, for me it was a challenge to not carry that. Because I can't carry what other people are responsible for. All I was responsible for was putting the message out there and extending my hand and allowing God to work and provide for me through other humans.

Rebecca F. Hession: I love this conversation so much. It's so important for high- achieving women. The other thing that you did that was really... I mean, it was a bad- ass move the way you did it. I loved it I think more because I knew how hard it was for you and I was cheering for you. It's like, " You do this, girl." The message that you sent out was very specific. I believe you said, " Here are three things that I'm going to be needing." It was meals. It was prayer. And I can't remember what the third one was now.

Carla Hayden: Yeah. So I did a series on Instagram and I called it Eat, Pray, Love. So each post was very specific. Because again, being an intentional person, one of the things that I learned is that when people are in trauma or they're recovering from something, they oftentimes don't know what they need. And so by being somebody with a good heart and saying, " Hey, I'm here for you. Let me know what you need." Typically, you're not going to hear back from them because they don't know what they need. And so one of the things I had to learn for myself through different situations in life, circumstances that I walked through is I first have to identify what might own needs are. Because I can't be disappointed when other people don't meet my needs if I don't even know what they are. So first of all, I have to acknowledge that I have them. And then I have to identify what they are. And then it is still my responsibility to communicate clearly what the needs are. So I thought I could just leave it at one post and say, " Hey, I'm having this majorly invasive surgery, and I'm going to be laid up for six to eight weeks. Help." And leave it. Or I can say, " Hey, I'm having this major surgery, and I'm going to let you know what kind of help I need." And so I rolled inaudible eat, pray love. And so the first one was I need meals. One of my friends had created a meal train. And so it was like, here's what you can do. And here's the link. And sign up.

Rebecca F. Hession: And it filled up in like 24 hours.

Carla Hayden: It did. And let me tell you a story about that really quick. So my surgery was November 10th of 2020, and my recovery was going to take me through the holidays, through Thanksgiving, through Christmas, and through New Year. Actually, January 5th was my eight weeks. And so my provision had to be for that period of time because this is what the doctors say, six to eight weeks. So you have to plan for that. You might be on the shorter end of it. You might be in the longer end. But you don't know. And funny story. I've never had surgery before. I've never even broken a bone or been stung by a bee. So this was like, I don't even know what to expect. It's not like, oh, I've had other surgeries. I haven't had this. And so the meal train, I was getting ready to post it. My friend who created it had given me the link and said, " Here, you can edit it however you want. And then put it out on your social media, however you want to do it." And the morning that I was going to post, just in my heart, I heard God say to me, " I want you to expand your tent pegs." And to me, what that communicated was you need to add more dates to your meal train. So not only am I stepping out with fear and trembling about even asking for the initial ask, which I think was like 12 meals or whatever. I think it went from 12 to 18 or something. Because it was only like three times a week times however many weeks. But whatever my initial ask was, before I even hit post, I had to add more dates to the calendar just as a step of obedience to what I felt like God was calling me to. And yeah, I put it out there. And it filled up. I had people messaging me on the backend going, " There's no more spots on the meal train." And I'm like, wow. And so that was still terrifying because once again, it took all the strengths to not keep checking the meal train to see if people were signing up. But I asked for meals. That was the eat portion.

Rebecca F. Hession: Let's pause on that for a minute. So not only did it fill up, but people were then reaching back out to you and saying, " I wanted to help, and there wasn't any space left to do it." And this is an important message in this, because people want to serve and help each other. The better we are at knowing what we need and asking for what we need gives people a place to step into to do it. That's what I loved about this, is it was very specific. It was very easy for people just to step in versus saying, " I'm fine. Everything's fine." And then in the middle of not being fine, trying to rally the troops, or being in this situation where somebody said, " Well, let me know if you need any..." That's not helpful for people. People want to know, " How can I help you?" And you made it so clear. So eat was number one. So let's take care of that. And then your prayer requests were very specific as well.

Carla Hayden: Yes, very specific. It was about specifically praying for my medical team, but also for my children. Like you said, they're young adults. Two out of the three of them still live at home, but they work full- time jobs. One of them is going to school. And so one of the things that I knew was that not only would I need prayer for me, for the surgery, the procedure, the recovery, and all of those things that you would normally think about. But I wanted prayer for my care givers. Because when you're a caregiver, your health goes on the back burner. And that was the last thing I was going to need, was for my kids to take on all the household responsibilities, in addition to their full- time jobs and school, and then they get sick. And so I believe in prayer and I believe that God can lead people to how to pray for other people. But I also recognize that I was the patient. I was the one that had been going to all the appointments. I was the one that was doing the research. I was the one who was aware of what I was stepping into, to the best of my knowledge. And so I would let people pray in accordance with how they felt led, but it was also like, hey, here's some specifics. And I think a big part of that was joining voices together in unison and that there's power in agreement. And so that was the other reason, that I was really intentional about what I was asking for prayer for.

Rebecca F. Hession: This is what I mean when I say reflection and connection. Reflecting on, how do I feel? What do I need? What's my situation? And then connecting in a way either to reach out and give or to receive, or to ask human to human. This is the deal. So what was on the love list? I don't remember the love list.

Carla Hayden: So I asked for people's recommendations on movies, TV shows, books. Because again, I was like, well, I'm going to be in this convalescing cocoon for six to eight weeks. And I'm going to intentionally not plug into work things. I'm going to intentionally not try to get caught up. The lie that we all know. And I really didn't know because I hadn't had surgery before. I really didn't know how mobile or immobile I was going to be. So I thought, well, I can kick back in my bed and binge watch guilt- free for this period of time. So send me all the things that you love. And I put a little asterisk at the bottom of that post. And I said, by the way, because I'm going to have all this time on my hands, if you love sending snail mail, I would love to receive cards and letters from people. And believe it or not, people messaged me and said, " I love sending snail mail." And so I got cards and letters from people through...

Rebecca F. Hession: And packages. One of my favorite things on Instagram was every few days, there was an unboxing story on Instagram, where you had received some cool or card. And you and your daughter just... It gave me joy watching you convalesce with your unboxing videos. It was so fun.

Carla Hayden: It was so fun. And somebody had mentioned that to me too. And I said, " I think it's because gifts are my love language." It's my top one love language, followed very closely by words of affirmation. And so you could have sent me pink Q- tips. I would have been over the moon.

Rebecca F. Hession: You are the best gift receiver I have ever... Because I'm a terrible gift receiver. I get uncomfortable. I don't know what to say. I'm acts of service. That's my love language. So if you want to jump in, I'll clean toilets with you happily. I'll do whatever activity. But receiving gifts, I get kind of funky and weird. And as I watched you, I was like, gosh, she is so good at this. It was fun.

Carla Hayden: It is. It was so much fun. And I think the big thing about being a gifts person, especially when you're the one receiving it, is that it isn't about bragging about what I got. And it's not about what the actual item was. I got things all across the board. I got homemade things. I got subscription boxes. I got homemade boxes, different things that just had my favorite chocolates in it. It wasn't the size of the gift or the quantity of money that people had spent. It was the fact that somebody had thought of me, and that filled my joy bucket. And as then I was sharing it with others, people just picked up on joy.

Rebecca F. Hession: It filled up yours. Absolutely. My gosh, seriously reflection and connection. Know yourself well. Know what to ask for. And then that authenticity and the way you handled that was so tangible that it brought joy for us to watch it play out. It was beautiful.

Carla Hayden: That is the amazing part. I think I've learned so many lessons from these last eight weeks. But one of them that I learned that somebody had mentioned to me on the front end of it was let people help you because it blesses other people. And I've heard that before and I thought, hmm, okay.

Rebecca F. Hession: inaudible said that on the podcast, many, many, many episodes ago. And that has stuck with so many people, is when you don't let people help, you rob them the joy.

Carla Hayden: Yeah. And I've heard it before. And if I'm the one helping others, I understand that to be true. But when you're in the seat of receiving, all of a sudden that goes out the window. It's like, yes, that applies to every other human on the planet, except me. For me, it's not going to bless other people. It's going to be a burden to them. And that for me to start at the front end of it, to ask for help, to extend my needs to other people. And then to be able to share it. And then people experiencing the joy of it. It was like, oh, so this is how this works.

Rebecca F. Hession: Exactly. As soon as I saw this playing out within a few days, I thought, oh yeah, we're podcasting about this. Because this is the message that is so important for people to hear that that is the truth. That blessing other people... Okay. So now you're back to work, just a couple of days. As we wrap up this, I just think it's been rich in giving people permission. Permission, number one, but also kind of a template to follow, whether they're asking for help at work or whether they're asking for help in a practical way, like the recovery that you were experiencing. But the template would be reflect and think about what do I need? And then be really intentional about asking for it. And then third is share the joy of receiving it so that it blesses others. I think those are the three things that I absolutely saw and thought this needs to be heard. This is an important message. And so now that you're two days back to work, as you look back over the experience, are there any things that you wish you would've done differently or is there anything now that you think you're changed by? What kind of reflection do you have now being on the other side of that eight weeks?

Carla Hayden: I don't think that there's anything that I would change. I think I'm coming out of this really pleasantly surprised. It was exceedingly, abundantly more than I could ask or imagine. I would never have imagined people responding this way. We started this podcast talking about that these were some old wounds and fears that I had been carrying for years. Some attempts to ask for help in the past and I had been hurt by other people. And I think that in this lesson for me, it was, will you step into it again? Will you trust God again to use people to help heal these places? I think one of the things that astounded me is that the company that I work for is an online membership community and our team is all remote. So I've never met any of my team members in person in real life. I actually started this job in April 2020. So even if it wasn't a remote position, we were all on lock down. And so the funny thing is that I would say that 90% of the help and support that I got was from this team. It was from the hope* writers team that are all over the United States. And it's about real community. Somebody had said to me the other day, " Do you believe that there could be real community over Zoom?" And I said yes, because I'm actually living that life. And do I miss meeting my local Indianapolis friends for coffee? Absolutely. And there's definitely a place for that. But I also think that you can be intentional about building relationships with people, whether they're your colleagues or people in your network or whomever in your community online. It's about being intentional about that. And it's about continuing to serve and support others well. Because it's like what I said, it's like these relationship banks all over that you just invest in a little bit at a time. And then when you need it, it's there.

Rebecca F. Hession: And that is one thing that you did intentionally when you started this job, was built community. You spent your first 90 days really getting to know people and hosting coffee with Carla and cocktails with Carla and with no agenda other than tell me your story. And that had a profound impact in building the community that then poured back into you.

Carla Hayden: Well, I learned it from you. So there you have it. The impact of person to person relationships. It's what you've done for me one- to- one. That now as I lead a company, I carry that into my job. And it's just who I am. And it was one of the things that we did kind of a survey with our team at the end of the year of like, what should we start, stop and continue doing in 2021? And there were a lot of them that said, " Continue coffee with Carla, cocktails with Carlos. We miss you. When are we doing that again?" So that's great.

Rebecca F. Hession: That is the intentionality of being virtual, is that you leave space and time and grace for people's just human lives. And that's what those coffee with Carla and cocktails with Carla is. It's just them telling who they are and you sharing with who you are. And I do believe that companies, careers can continue to thrive, to grow, prosper and flourish virtually. I do know that it does take intentionality and it doesn't replace human to human connections. Because from a neuroscience, biological perspective, your brain is seeking out human to human contact. So when you and I are seeing each other now on Zoom, it's like when you go to McDonald's. And you're craving the McDonald's and you eat it and it tastes really good, but your body process it as vitamins and nutrients because it does not contain any vitamins and nutrients. And so then your body's like, okay, are we getting food at some point? That was fun, but it wasn't food. Your body literally needs human touch and contact and to be in a room with people. But we can get that with families and friends and your pod and whoever you that you're hanging with. But we need to recognize those two things. It doesn't replace human to human contact, but you can be really great at building community by being intentional about letting people be people. So I think there's lots of opportunity for companies to do that really well. And I think as engagement and culture, this will be where the lines divide. There'll be companies that get it right and there will be companies that fail miserably at it. You've gotten it right.

Carla Hayden: Well, thank you. Yay.

Rebecca F. Hession: I would be remiss if I didn't mention that one of the things that I'm excited about that I'm launching on February 1st is a badass master class for high achieving women. And it is going to be virtual. It's the first all- virtual experience that I'm launching. So no matter where you are in our fine world, if you want to be a part of that, I'll put a link in the show notes. Because I do know that we can build community intentionally. And we've been practicing it and we know how to do it now. And I'm excited to put that out into the world. Okay. We're going to wrap up, but you're going to come back because there's so much... As we're sitting here talking, I'm just thinking about, oh, we should talk about this. And then we should talk about that. And then we should talk about this. And you've got lots of cool things that are happening in your life. And I'm glad that you're back well and healing. And this has been fun.

Carla Hayden: Thank you for having me.

Rebecca F. Hession: Thanks so much. This is Rebecca Fleetwood Hession. Thanks so much for being here. We'd love to stay connected. We can do that if you jump into the online community at badasswomenscouncil. community. We've got lots of cool people in there already. And if you come in, it'll just be cooler.


Today's episode is all about asking for help as Carla Hayden, COO for hopewriters, shares how she has learned to make the ask.  Most of us are not great about asking for help, so therefore we don't have the opportunity to get good at it. We will hear from Carla how she has found the intention to practice and follow a bit of a checklist to get better at asking for help.

Today's Host

Guest Thumbnail

Rebecca Fleetwood Hession

|CEO/Founder WEthrive.live

Today's Guests


Carla Hayden

|COO of hopewriters