Massive Change, Tons of Uncertainty
Speaker 1: (Singing).
Rebecca Fleetwood Hessian: Hello, this is Rebecca Fleetwood Hession, host of the Baddass Womens Council podcast. I'm glad that you're here. Today I'm going to tell you some stories about what's going on in my life as it relates to navigating massive changes, tons of uncertainty. Yah. You all, it's interesting as I have been navigating some of these changes that I'll tell you about today, how grateful I am that I've spent the last five years understanding, well, what we talk about here, reflection and connection from a neuroscience perspective, from a spiritual perspective. Because I've needed it all in practice. And obviously I have been practicing these things or I wouldn't have written a book about it, but over the last couple of weeks there's been a surge of uncertainty in my life, reminding me that this is always the work. We never get to check the box and say," Okay, I'm good. I can just float on autopilot now." Which is why I was so adamant in my book, Write Your Own Story, about the difference between living with intention versus habitual, so intentional versus habitual. Because I think our obsession with habits is because we want there to be an autopilot. We want to be able to say," Oh, I've nailed the habits for success and now they just run themselves." You all, that's bullshit, because we are always navigating change and uncertainty it, especially for those of us who want to grow and evolve. So as you grow and evolve and take on new opportunities, you're in new situations that you've never been in before, which we need to be intentional about. Our habits and our autopilot is not going to serve that new level. In addition to the things that are happening outside of our own choices that we're responding to, requires us to always live with intention and to be mindful and to spend time in reflection, so that we can ask ourselves if we are making the right choices in this moment, in this day, in this chapter. I've put out several posts on social media, TikTok, Instagram Reels, about navigating these massive changes in my life, and I've gotten some really interesting responses. Actually people have emailed me, messaged me, which just says that I've hit on something that is happening with many of us. And I think as we move from summer to fall, just navigating lots of... If you're putting your kids back in school, just our habits and our patterns are disrupted in general. That'll just give you a little context because I love me some context. That's an inside joke if you read my book. You should read my book and then you'll know the inside jokes. Write Your Own Story: Three Keys to Rise and Thrive as a Badass Career Woman. Okay, so some of the uncertainty that I'm dealing with right now. My dad had major surgery on Tuesday, had a kidney removed as part of a treatment plan that he's under, and it went exceptionally well. The surgery itself went really well, but the dude's 75 or something, I don't know how he is, ish. And when you go under major surgery, basically the anesthetic just shut your body down for a period of time and then your body has to wake back up. And it's harder for that to happen at 75 than it is in your youth. It's taken some time this week to get his body ready to go back home. I believe he's going back home today, as I record this. So yay, praise God. But in that is a ton of uncertainty. My mom's going back and forth to the hospital and checking in on him. And it's not that it required me to physically be involved in any way really, other than I went down and visited a couple times and checked in. But it's the tax on our brains, just navigating that I don't know how things are going to happen, or what they need, and it's just this extra thing that my brain is thinking about. So that's one. Number two, my son is on a cross country road trip with a friend of his for three weeks, for a month long journey to do open mic nights across the country to market his songs that are on iTunes and Spotify. Cameron Hession, look him up. Follow him, that'd be great. And so he's messaging me and all excited about his trip and all the things that he's doing. And so that's a disruption of our regular pattern, where he used to, he goes to work at a certain time, he comes home at a certain time. I know what's happening. And now it's just different. It's great, there's nothing bad. I'm not worried about him. I'm thrilled for him. I'm jealous of him quite frankly, but it's just a disruption of the pattern in my life. Number three, my daughter is doing education differently this year, and I'm involved in some of the helping her navigate some of those choices, and she's doing some work for me and my business. So again, disruption of the pattern of what we've been accustomed to and making sure that she's supported, emotionally and practically. Adding some things to my business. I have a four- part empowerment series that I just finished building, and I'm ready to start putting out to you all if you want a women's group in your organization and kind of ERG, Let's Talk About It. But I'm just finishing that up and thinking about what's the marketing strategy for that. Again, disruption of the patterns. And I could go on. There are some other things that are in the works that are fun and exciting, but all of these together represent that not much of my life is in that habitual pattern that it used to be in. And so our brain is constantly looking for sameness. Our brain thinks that same equals safe, which isn't at all true. If that were true people wouldn't stay in abusive relationships. They stay in abusive relationships because it's the same, feels safer than figuring out how to get out of that relationship. So our brain goes back to the days of trying not to get eaten by a tiger or whatever, that any kind of disruption of pattern feels like a threat. Well, it's not physical danger, I'm not being attacked, but my brain registers it as something's off, something's off, something's off. And so I was talking to Alex Perry, a business partner, this morning. Many of you listeners know Alex, who's a Thrive Guide for my Rise& Thrive experience, and a good friend and business partner. I was describing this to her this morning over coffee, and she said," It's like sitting on one of those..." Oh, what are they called? The exercise balls that you stand on that keeps your core engaged. I was going to say... It starts with a B, you all. I can't remember the name of it. But you know, get on those exercise balls, and the whole idea is it's little micro movements that keep your core engaged. So it's not like a massive movement, or it's not like going for a run, but it is very effective to building core muscles because it's those little micro movements that you have to use to stay centered on that ball that works your core muscles. And so it's taxing, it's tiring. That's what happens when we have tons of disruption in our patterns to our brain. It's taxing because our brain wants to constantly know what's next. And when we don't know what's next, either for... Most of the things going on in my life are really good, exciting things, but it's still uncertainty. And so after several days of navigating said uncertainty, I was exhausted. And I always talk about entering any kind of change and uncertainty with optimism. I am excited about many of these changes in my life and the changes that are happening for people I love. Even my dad removing the kidney, yeah, get that thing out of there. It was not helpful. I am excited and positive about what better quality of life that's going to give him. I'm excited for my son's experiences. I'm excited for Auburn. I'm excited for the new empowerment series. It's good stuff. I think the outcomes are going to be fabulous. And after a few days of navigating the disruption in my patterns, oh you all, I hit a wall. Like boom, hit a wall. And I was driving home from doing a keynote. And as I was driving home, I thought... And it's like 3: 30 in the afternoon. I thought," Oh, I got to take a nap." I'm nodding off driving home, I'm exhausted. And I'm healthy. I work out, I eat well. And so I came home, and I have a couch on my front porch that was my great- grandmother's, so it always makes me happy because I've been napping on that couch since I was born. And I laid down that couch and just zonked, like slept hard, because my brain and my body was just like," Dude, we need to chill." And then the other thing that happens when you get tired is your emotions start to go a little wonky. And so I was just feeling some kind of way, and I did what I tell all of you to do, what I care deeply about, which is connection. I've also been spending a ton of time alone the last few days. And so I reached out to some close friends who let me be me and I can authentically be me and they won't try to fix me or change me, they're just great listeners. And I said," You all, I'm just reaching out. I need some prayers, and I just wanted to connect. I just want to say hey, I just want to say hi, because I need some connection right now. There's a lot going on." And after my nap and my conversation with people who love me, I immediately felt better. But I went to bed early. And we need to acknowledge the tax on our physical bodies and our emotions when we're navigating lots of uncertainty and change. And the other thing that happened, physical response, is immediately my jeans got tighter because cortisol is a mother trucker. And it's real, it's a physical response. So as my body was experiencing all of this uncertainty as stress, it packed on a couple of lbs because it thought it was about ready to fight a bear or something. And so now I'm like," Well, shit, now I got that to deal with." But here's the thing, I'm so much smarter now. I'm so glad that I'm so much smarter now. Because what I didn't do this time was go in to freak out, I got to run a million miles, I got to get this in check. Because when we do that, we just compound the stress and the cortisol and beat our body up, when all it really needed was a snack at a nap. It needed to be loved, not punished. And so I didn't do that. I just put on stretchy pants and a little extra lipstick and said," It's okay. It's okay, I'm okay. My body needs love and respect and kindness." So I navigated the shift in my workouts to more stretching and intentional movement, walking, and not beating myself up. I made sure that I'm getting regular healthy meals and not starving myself to get rid of those couple of lbs that came on the scene. And you all, this is a shift. I wasn't always handling things this way, but I'm learning. I'm being more intentional, I'm paying attention to what works and what doesn't work. I'm getting to bed earlier. I'm journaling about all the things that are good. I'm learning about what I'm learning in these shifts, in these patterns. I'm being kind to myself, and my daily stillness absolutely on point. And I share all this today because I know that many of you are going through massive change and uncertainty. And my hope is that as I share these things with you, they'll be helpful to you to be loving and kind to yourself, and to reach out to your people and let them help love you through it. Not to fix you or not to sit in whine and bitch and moan about it, but just to say," Hey, I need some of your love right now." So that's my long, uncertainty ramble. And I've been thinking a lot about this as it relates to the kids being back in school, especially those little ones who have never been in that situation before. And I see your pictures where you post them like exhausted, having a nap at 2: 30 when they got off the bus. And you all, that's not just because they got up early that day or because their schedules are off from that regard, it's also because their navigating uncertainty. Even the ones that have been in school for a while. They've got a new teacher, they've got new people there sitting beside, they've got a new locker combination. You all know I can get on a school rant in like 15 seconds so I'm going to try not to, but school is not built for our human needs. And so a new school year presents all kinds of new habit disruption and pattern disruption, and that triggers their emotions. They're going to start feeling some kind of way. And they need love and kindness and support, and let them nap. Let them be a little cranky. And we don't need to punish them for the fact that they're just trying to navigate the new patterns and the disruption that's happening in their lives. I had a coaching call with a client this morning who is currently living and working in Japan on an assignment, and their family's getting ready to come back to the States in about nine months. And so we spent a lot of time this morning in our coaching session. Yes, we went through the what are the work projects, and how do we scale that and make sure that she had what she needed to unwind this job and think about the next opportunity. But we also spent the majority of the time talking about how she can lead and help her kids and her husband navigate the uncertainty that's going to be in their lives for the next year, as they think about moving and changing jobs and schools and all the things. So giving our kids grace and space because they don't have the experience and the years of navigating these things to know what's happening. They just know that they're tired and they feel some kind of way, and that there's all kinds of expectations that are put on them. And they're trying to figure out who their friends are and did they have the right outfit for the dance. And these are real things that they are dealing with, it's not little to them. That is their entire world is school and activities and friends and maybe sports. But when we diminish or reduce that to say," Ah, they're just kids." They're humans. And how we model and how we show them how to navigate this change and uncertainty sets them up to be able to handle it well for the rest of their lives. And so doing these mindfulness practices that I'm always talking about, reflection practices of daily stillness, of weekly rhythm, of reflecting back on our week and," Am I okay, What do I need?" That's the real work, you all, for us and the next generation to steward this age of humanity. All right, it's probably enough for today. I want to support you, so tell me what you need, what you're working through so we can talk about it here. And we can be your connection, we can be a bright spot in your week to give you the tools that you need to navigate being a high achiever and a badass woman. All right, I getting ready to start season four of Rise& Thrive. We start September 29th. And I'm excited to see what kind of unique gifts and talents that this group has. And get ready for our big event on International Women's Day, March 8th. Mark your calendars. And its budget season. So as your navigating that, make sure you plug in some dollars to bring a team to the event live or to watch it virtual. So on International Women's Day it will be a great opportunity to invite your entire organization to celebrate International Women's Day. If you want to talk about what that could look like pricing wise, hit me up. And I would love to support you and your team and your organization. If you're looking for a solution for your women's group, your ERG, any of your DE& I initiatives, I do have this four- part empowerment series that I'm super excited about. That includes our March 8th Stand Tall In Your Story event. That's the kickoff of the four- part series. So hit me up, we can talk about it, put a little money in your budget. And it's a plug and play, I want to make it as easy and impactful as I possibly can for you and your team. All right, Thanks so much, you all. Make it a great day.
Speaker 1: (Singing).
This week on The Badass Womens Council, Rebecca discusses navigating significant change. As we continue to grow and evolve, new experiences come our way. Today, Rebecca wants to help ensure we are intentional through these experiences. Listen now.