Make 2023 your OWN Journey of Self-Discovery

Speaker 1: (Singing).

Rebecca Fleetwood Hession: This is Write Your Own Story: Three Keys to Rise and Thrive in Life and Business. I'm your host, Rebecca Fleetwood Hession. Hey, it's Rebecca and it's planning season. It's a new year, we get a new journal, we get all excited. It's my favorite time of the year. I need a special theme song for that. I say that every year. Hold me accountable, y'all. By this time next year, I will have a theme song for planning season. I don't know, maybe not everybody's as excited about the new year as I get, but I know a lot of people in my circle are. So today I want to talk about approaches for this who do you want to be in 2023 idea. But first I want to tell you a story about a new client of mine and where she is in her journey right now. She came to me, oh my gosh, two months ago, maybe less, probably less. We've only been working together a few sessions. When I first met her, we had lunch together for her to see if I was going to be the right coach for her. And she was just a stressed out kind of mess. We can laugh about that now. And there were so many circumstances in this new career she was in. She's an executive in a startup working with people that there was just all kinds of interesting challenges and she was just feeling completely overwhelmed. And I could have easily started with, " Well, what do you need to do to unwind some of this?" But we didn't. I said, " I want to set some of that aside and I want first to look at who you are. Who do you need to be to have the life that you want?" And I can happily report for her and for myself that her life is completely different in less than two months, because I've helped hold up the mirror for her to see who she is. And the confidence that's come from her being reminded of who she is, is now approaching these challenges and these circumstances with a different level of confidence, with a different expectation. And it is the most beautiful transformation. It's what I live for as a coach is to see someone's inner light just light back up. And this morning she sent me a message and she said, this is going to make me cry. She said, " I had the best weekend." She said, " I am happy maybe for the first time in a long time." And she went on to describe that she's so confident in who she is that even though the circumstances around her are never going to be perfect, she can rest in the assuredness that she's okay, that she's more than okay. She's confident and she's capable and she's talented, and she has the skills to navigate these situations and anything else that comes up for her. And she doesn't have to have it all figured out before she can be happy. She can be happy in the way that she figures things out. Now, that's what I want for you this year, is for you to think about who you want to be in 2023. So I'm going to walk you through some things today that I know, should you choose to just embark on this journey of self-discovery and intense self-awareness, which is our definition of badass, that when you are a badass, you're intensely self-aware, not as a bitch or a bully, but in a way that allows you to navigate with empathy and vulnerability all of life's intricacies and challenges and uncertainties. Not because you are independent in your self-awareness, but your self-awareness is meant for connection. And in fact, this client of mine is being asked for her opinion in rooms that she wasn't being asked before. She's being asked to lead in bigger, bolder, badass kinds ways because of this newfound reminder and confidence in who she is. So in 2023, we're going to ditch the need for permission and we are going to write our own story through reflection and connection. And so I want to take us into this model that's been around for as long as I can remember. It's a very simple. It's the Be, Do, Have model. So think of circles that build out. Be is in the middle, Do is the next circle, and then Have is the outer circle. And inaudible the results that you want in your life? Do, what do you need to do to get those results? But at the heart of it all in the center is the key. It's the keys to the kingdom. It is that whole thing, which is who do you need to be? Who are you? This is our mindset, our thoughts, and most importantly, what you believe about yourself. Because your behavior, the things that you do to get the results that you have, your behavior comes from who you are and what you believe. And so as you enter 2023, I want you to ask yourself, who do you want to be? Who are you? One of the first questions that I like to ask myself when I'm navigating these things is how do I want to feel? Because our feelings are the catalyst for change. So how we feel about ourselves matters to being able to implement the changes. Our brains need to feel joy and happiness and excitement about where we're going in order to navigate the habits and the behaviors that we're going to do. So in my book, Write Your Own Story, I reference a body of work called Change or Die. There's a TED Talk, there's a book, there's articles from Fast Company back in the nineties. But in essence, it's if you want to change anything about your life, you need a simple, joyful story about why it matters. We can't shame ourselves into doing better for our lives. We have to inspire ourselves to get there. So as you're navigating 2023 plans, instead of making a list of, I want to read this many books, I want to take this class, I want to do, do, do, do, do, blah, ask yourself how you want to feel. Give yourself some adverbs this year in your word for the year. In fact, I would even recommend that instead of a word for the year or a plan for the year, let's just plan for this chapter. So let's plan from now until March 8th, which is International Women's Day. How's that? It's also the day of my fourth annual Stand Tall in Your Story event, which you can buy tickets on my website at wethrive. live. It is an amazing event where seven women tell their stories in a Ted- like fashion with food and drinks and live music and lots of amazing community. And you can attend live or virtual. Check it out. So between now and March 8th, International Women's Day, in this chapter, How do you want to feel? Last year, my word was unreasonably bold. Two words, I know, because I never follow the rules because I don't need to. I want you to feel something this year. I want you to feel that sense of whatever you need for your life right now. I want you to feel healed and whole and happy and confident and courageous. What is it for you? What do you want to feel this year? A good way to think about this is if people were to stand back and observe you over the next two or three months, how do you want them to describe you? That you are calmly navigating uncertainty, that you're boldly creating new strategies for your company? I don't know what it is for you. You get to decide who you want to be, but that's the key. I want you to decide who you want to be. Another question is, you're writing in your journal on March 8th of 2023 and you're reflecting back on the last couple of months. What do you hope hits those journal pages about who you are? It's a great way to prepare yourself in a way that gets inside rather than the specific read X number of books, walk X number of miles, blah, blah, blah. That just feels like a business plan. I want your life to feel like a movie, or a song, or a great book with emotion. So let's start 2023 setting the intention for what we want to feel. Sure, set specific goals. I'm not mad about it, I just don't want it to be the only thing that you're planning for this year. Another great exercise to do right now is when you think about the life you want to have. So remember, be's at the center and what do you have to do to have these results is to dream about the life that you want to have. We, too often, and because of the industrial model of work and education that has told us that we need to achieve, achieve, activity, activity, do all the things in order to be successful, we've left behind the power of our dreams. The Bible says, " Write your vision and make it plain." This is a great time to write the vision that you want for your life. What do you want to have? And to break it down into categories is the way that I have found to be most helpful. So people call it Life Wheel. If we're thinking about Life Wheel, another podcast that I would recommend is a good friend of mine, Nikki Lewallen Gregory, her and her husband have a new podcast called Addicted to Betterment. And she is a huge steward of the Life Wheel idea. So check that podcast out as well for this year. In the Life Wheel, you divide your life into categories. So you could have things like career, money, love, friendships, travel, the home, your physical space that you live in. You get to decide the categories that work best for you. That's the great thing about a Life Wheel, it's your life. You're planning it. And write down those categories, the things that are important to you in your life. And then start dreaming about the ideal scenario for that. How does it feel? What does it look like? What are the foods that you're eating? How do they taste? Where are you? If it's love that you're believing in, what do you want this relationship to feel like? Who is this person? How are you interacting? All of the things that you want to have in your life, dream them and put that down. Just start it in your journal and dream in a way that you can feel it. You can feel it like it's already happening. And then say to yourself, " Oh, well, who would I be in order to have that life?" And then start being that person now in excitement, in anticipation for the life that you're creating for yourself. That's the deal, is to create that for yourself. As you're creating this dream life, this writing your vision, making it plain, you've got the categories for your life set out, then you ask yourself, " Okay, what's the mindset? What are the thoughts about myself that are going to be necessary for me to live out that dream life?" I love to create mantras because your brain believes everything that you tell it. So when we tell ourselves who we are, our brain goes, "Yeah, hey, cool." If we wait for people outside of us to give us permission and tell us who we are, then we're not living our lives. So mantras can be as simple as, "I am healthy, I am wealthy," whatever it is for you. But I have mantras that I use constantly in my life. I wake up, the first thing I say, "I am healed, I am whole, I am a child of the Most High God. I walk in favor. My God causes doors to open before me. I give praises to my God for all he does. This is my season of breakthrough. This is my season of victory." I say that every single morning. Sometimes I say it throughout the day, if I'm needing a little boost. If I'm starting to feel a little not so good, "I am healthy. All of the cells in my body are healthy and healed and whole." I speak it. I speak it into existence. If I'm believing in relationships, changes in friendships or whatever I want to have, I have mantras that I use. "I am grateful for the people that God has brought into my life that are the ones that He has sent. I am grateful that I have friends that challenge me and support me, and I feel my best in their presence." Whatever it is. These are mine. But what are they for you? What are the mantras that you need for yourself? How do you need to speak to yourself to be this person that lives that life that you want? Because we get stuck in that middle Do section where we think, " Oh, when I get the degree, when I get the next promotion, when I get the certification, when I get, then I'll feel confident. Then I'll have that life." Y'all, that's a trap. It's bullshit. There are these middle steps in the Do category that limit us and keep us stuck. They keep us in this like we need to be in this linear path to get to the place that we want to go. No. We all know people that have catapulted their lives into amazing things and didn't follow the steps. Whose steps? What steps? Did you know there's zero correlation between good grades and success? I mean, that's even a lie that that was a step. If I study hard and get good grades. I don't know. If it worked for you, great. I didn't. I studied enough not to be in trouble. So take that Do section out for a minute because I think we're overwhelmed with the Do. And I want this year for you to be intensely focused on the Have and the Be and believing in yourself. That's what's happened to my client. Once we did her inventory of unique gifts, talents, and abilities, and in this, it's a session that I do, we go all the way back to 14- year- old you, and we look at the patterns of your life and your gifts and your talents that have been present all along, not specific to a particular job or a specific situation, but who you are. And once I was able to show her that, she just lit up like a Christmas tree. It was amazing. In fact, I have a discount on that session, just an individual session. It's a part of my regular coaching packages, but you can do it as an individual session. Takes 90 minutes. It's amazing. We'll put a link for that in the show notes. That you could know exactly who you are to kick off 2023 to boost your confidence, to boost your belief in who you are to have the life that you want and for it to feel good. We can feel good even before we get those things. If I move through my life with the belief that those things are coming to me and I can go ahead and celebrate them and be grateful for them. I don't have this sense of I'll be happy when. I'll be happy right now because the things that I desire and want are on the way or I'm on the way to them. And just to be in this moment of I love where I am right now, which will attract more of what we want and what we love. Y'all, I walk around my house and I say things like, " I love my couch, I love my Christmas tree this year, I love this pen." I'm not making it up. I do that. But the more we love who we are right now, the bigger, bolder, more beautiful our life can be. We are the creator of our lives. We are the artist. We are the writer of our story. And I want 2023 to be your year where you stand so tall in that story that all of the things that you want and deserve find you. How's that sound? Does that sound like a winning combination for planning season and 2023 and all of the things that you're believing for? I hope so. All right, so how do you want to feel this year? Write it out. And then let's have another conversation at the event on March 8th. Tell me how it's working for you. All right, make it a great day. inaudible.

Speaker 1: (Singing).

Rebecca Fleetwood Hession: Thanks for listening to this episode. I would love it if you would leave a rating and a review on Apple Podcast and then go to wethrive. live. First thing you'll see is a place to drop your email and join the movement. I'll send you tools that you can use to thrive in life and business.

Speaker 1: (Singing).

Rebecca Fleetwood Hession: Hey y'all, fun fact. If you like the music for the podcast, that is actually my son, Cameron Hession. And I would love it if you would go to Spotify and iTunes and follow him and download some of his other music. My personal favorite's TV Land.