Find Your Rhythm

Speaker 1: (singing). This is Rebecca Fleetwood Hession, host of The Badass Women's Council podcast, and I'm super glad that you're here. We provide reflection and connection for the high achieving woman. So obviously, the podcast episode you're listening to by yourself. So the connection you can find at badasswomenscouncil. community. Come on in and join us. All right, here we go.( Singing). Hello, this is Rebecca Fleetwood Hession, host of The Badass Women's Council podcast, and I'm super glad that you're here. In keeping with the brand of keeping it real here at the Badass Women's Council, for those of you who get to enjoy this as a video clip, ooh, I'm looking like it's a Monday, y'all. It's fine because it is a Monday and it's been a good one, but it's been a long one and I wanted to honor my commitment to get this episode out. So we just going to do it. We're going to talk today about rhythm, which in my book, Write Your Own Story, Three Keys to Rise and Thrive as a badass Career Woman, rhythm is the third key. So the three keys are story, money, and rhythm. And rhythm gets at a couple of things. It gets at connecting story and money together. We honor our human needs in story. We honor the business needs in money and then rhythm ties them together. But we also get at the emotional flow of life and work in the third key of rhythm. Sometimes people will say to me when I ask them," How are you?" We do the what's your number exercise a lot around here. And on a scale of one to 10, what's your number and how you're feeling? And people will say," Well, work or home." Well, you're just one person, you're not a work person and a home person, so you only get one number. In fact, today we did, what's your number on a group coaching that I lead called Badass Breakthroughs. And one of the gals said," Ah, I'm averaging out at a five because home life was great, it was like an eight or nine and work life was not so great, it's a two or three." And so it's impossible that one doesn't impact the other. We don't separate our emotions like that. So if things aren't going so well at home, it impacts our work whether we want to admit it or not and vice versa. And so rhythm honors that reality and says, "Look y'all, I know you want to do a good job. I know you're badass, but there is no way in hell you're going to be a nine or a 10 every damn day." That's just not a thing. And so if we can honor that emotional flow of life and work and recognize that we're going to have ups and downs, we're going to have days that are two and days that are a nine or 10, and that's okay. It doesn't mean that we're doing it wrong on the days that we're a two or a three or four. It just means we're human and we are experiencing the ups and the downs that life brings to us. So, two concepts from the rhythm section. The third key of rhythm. I love saying that because sounds like I'm a musician or something. Two concepts today as a part of honoring the emotional flow of our lives and our human needs. One is compliments and how we receive them, how we honor them, how they inform us. And the second thing that I want to talk about today is your 14- year- old self and how she or he... We do have a few good men that listen to the podcast. How our 14- year- old self informs us of how we should and could renew in our lives. So let's start with compliments, shall we? I did this with the group today and I said," Okay. So I personally really had to work on receiving compliments because I didn't grow up in a way where compliments were thrown around." We were on a small farm, people just got to work and we loved each other, but nobody stood around and talked about their feelings. Even saying, I love yous, I don't remember much growing up. So compliments were kind of hard for me as an adult. And so how we receive compliments actually is information about what we're good at and our unique gifts, talents, and abilities. And so when we get compliments, we want to pay attention to what we're being complimented on. So for example, if you are being complimented on your ability to always work late, to always be the last one to leave the office, to put in the most hours, the first thing we want to do is ask ourselves," Is that what I want to be known for? Is that the brand that I'm trying to create or is that the life that I'm trying to change?" So compliments are information. And so if we're getting compliments based on a brand that we do not desire, it's up to us to change our behaviors, not to reinforce that expectation. And I've talked about this in previous episodes, that when we go into a job to prove ourselves and are willing to always be the one that's going to work the latest and the hardest, you're setting yourself up for an expectation that's going to be really difficult to unwind later. So that if we're thinking," Oh, once I worked really hard, then I can pull it back." Mm- mm, that's not what happens. The expectation has become, but that's who you are. And so we got to be careful with that, which is why this quiet quitting thing that I talked about last week is such a big damn deal. So the first thing about compliments is, is the compliment who we want to be? And so when it is, when the compliment that you get is based on your unique gifts and talents. So one of the ones I love to receive on social media is," This is exactly what I needed to hear today." Because I typically put out just random posts as I'm feeling it myself. I have a marketing agency, Coverdale, that does a lot of my marketing for events and to Rise and Thrive and things like that. But the stuff that I post that's just in my head, in the moment, it always makes me feel like I'm glad I posted that because I was feeling it, somebody else is probably feeling it too. So I love getting that one. It just tells me that the Lord is speaking to me for things that people need. That's one of my favorite things to hear. When I get compliments about the work I do as a coach and the way that I work with people, that's part of my gifts and talents. I love that. that affirms who I am and who I want to be. How we receive that compliment is important because when we receive it with an open heart, open mind, open hands, it opens us up to receive more of those compliments. However, when we dismiss it, deflect it, we do two things. We don't open our hearts and our minds and our hands to receive more. We block it and deflect it and we kind of dis the person that was given us the compliment. And we didn't intend to do that. When we do dismiss and deflect a compliment, it's usually because we're being humble or we're uncomfortable. And so," Oh, it was on sale and it has pockets." inaudible says," I like your dress."" Oh thanks. It was on sale. It has pockets." We just dismiss it. And so when I asked the women today on our group coaching to give me examples of compliments that they had received this week, all of them realized that they had sort of dismissed it in the name of humility or because we're always trying to think about what we could do more of, what else needs fixed? What else do I need to do? And we don't just sit and own that space of, yeah, that was really good. And so my coach taught me to journal about my compliments each week. What compliments did I get this week? How did they make me feel? How did I want to receive compliments in the future? When we allow ourselves that moment to just feel the compliment with the true intent of the way it was delivered, it is a beautiful gift to our nervous system. It helps... not regulate us. I just listened to a post with Eliza Kingsford, who is also a Thrive Guide. And she said," Do you know our nervous system isn't really about regulation, it's about giving and receiving and opening it up and more rhythm," what we talk about. And so when we feel the feeling, the way the compliment was intended, it opens our heart up to feel gratitude. And the way that we build the life we want is through love and gratitude and beautiful feelings. Not beating ourselves up and shaming ourselves and believing that we should be doing more." Oh, it wasn't enough."" Oh thank you for that compliment, but I really should have done this and this and that.' No, just say thank you. And so now I say thank you, I receive that compliment, or I receive it. I don't say that compliment. Thank you, I receive that. And that always takes people aback a little bit, which I love because it creates more of this openness of them realizing that I'm really intentionally hearing and receiving what they've said, which is a beautiful human to human interaction. One of the girls today, we went through her, how she responded to the compliment she received, and it was a very too humble kind of," Oh thanks, I can always do more," kind of feeling. And I said," Well that doesn't honor, they wanted you just to sit in the compliment they gave you today." And so what I would love for you to do as a result of this episode today is over the next couple of weeks, I want you to pay attention to the compliments that you receive and how you receive them, saying things like," Thank you so much. It means a lot to me that you took the time to say that to me." And really honor that person who gave you the compliment. One of the gals today, she got a compliment at a wedding that she was at on how she looked. And she's been working out and really paying attention to her selfcare. And a girl came off to her at the wedding and said," You looking fine." I think she told her she had a bombass body or something in front of her husband. So then her husband was like," Yeah, I'm a lucky man." I love that. Women supporting women. And to say to that woman," Thank you for taking the time to come here and say that to me." Because how many times do we think something but we don't actually go act on it. And for her to actually come up to her and give her the compliment was great. So receive that compliment and thank the person who gave it to you to open up that human to human connection and open up your heart and your mind to receive more. So pay attention to compliments. And if you really want to take it to a 2.0 level, journal about it, journal about the compliment that you received and allow yourself to really just sit in that feeling of gratitude about the compliment. Going to take that on as a challenge? Challenge accepted. Okay, next up in concepts from the rhythm section, the third key to rise and thrive is what was 14- year- old you doing for fun? Because 14- year- old you is seventh or eighth grade ish, whatever, junior high, middle school, whatever you called it in your part of the world, is a time when you started to exercise autonomy. You didn't yet have a car so you weren't responsible for getting yourself to work or practice or whatever. But even if you were in your room alone, you were choosing the activities you were doing, you were getting to stay all night with friends, you were going to movies without your parents, didn't have to go to the grocery store with your parents. You had autonomy. And so it was, it's a clue to what you chose when you first had the opportunity to choose. And it's important to really dig into that 14- year- old you, because a lot of times people will say it was sports. What 14- year- old me was doing for fun was I was playing soccer, I was playing basketball or I was playing something. But everybody plays a sport for a different reason. It lights up a part of them in a different way. Some people play sports because they love the comradery of the team. Some people love sports because of the physical nature of improving their body and their performance. Some people love sports because they really like to win. It's the competition aspect of it. So we like things for different reasons. So when I say sit down and think about what 14- year- old you was doing for fun, also then ask yourself the follow- up question, what was fun about it? How did it feed your soul? Because we're talking about soul food. 14- year- old you instinctively knew how to feed your soul, whether you were going through trauma as a child or whether you were having the highlight of your life, you instinctively knew what would feed your soul. So go back to that place and ask yourself," How did I take care of myself when I was just instinctively doing it?" And so for some it was music, some it's arts or physical activity. A gentleman that I was working with and his team last week, he was like,'Anything outside, I just get on my bike and ride all day long." Somebody else talked about certain music that they still love today. And so those are things that will still feed your soul today if you choose to do it and to use that as soul food. So if it's go for a bike ride, go for a walk and play those favorite tunes. I was working with a gentleman this week or last week and his was martial arts. And he hadn't been doing some... And even though he's a grown ass man now, he'd been doing martial arts since he was eight years old and he had a bit of an injury right before COVID and just hadn't got back in to do it. And I said," Even if it's going in to coach youth, just go in and smell the sweaty mats and hear the sounds of being in that gym and it will light your heart up." And as soon as I said it, I see the look on people's eyes when I hear them talk about their soul food, 14- year- old them, whatever it is. You can just see your body craving it and wanting it back. And we can do that for ourselves either in coaching that thing or experiencing that thing. So some of my clients have gone back and taking dance classes again. Some have picked up an instrument that they used to play. You'll know what it is for you, but only if you take the time to ask yourself the question, what was 14- year- old you doing for fun? I was writing poems and stories and I was outside and I was with all my animals. And those are the things that I go to today to fill my soul back up. If you follow me on social, you'll know on most of my Instagram stories, it's me walking in the woods with my dog. I need to be outside to fill my soul. If I'm inside all day, I'm just not feeling good. No matter the weather, all throughout the year, I need to be outside. That fills me back up. One of the gentlemen said he loved to be outside and love to be on his bike, come to find out his house, he has a pool and a big outdoor area and he's the place where everybody comes on the weekends because he said," I just love to be out playing in the neighborhood with my friends." And so, y'all, he didn't realize it until we had the conversation, that he created the place where everybody comes to play in the neighborhood. So spend some time this week with your journal or just with yourself and your thoughts and ask yourself, what was 14- year- old you doing for fun? And then be intentional about integrating those things into your life now. Many people talk about their friendships and the social connections, but when I ask how they're doing with those friendships and social connections, now they've let some of that slip because they feel like they're too busy, and we suffer the consequences of not having those kinds of relationships in our lives. So whatever you need to do to go have some fun with some friends and get out and let the joy of who you really are, shine through, please do. That's having a healthy rhythm of the ups and the downs and being intentional about feeding yourself with joy and gratitude. All right, y'all, I hope this was helpful. Like I said, we covered this in my group coaching session today and I thought," Yeah, that'd be a good podcast." So here we are, always in the moment thinking about what y'all might need. I love your feedback and affirmations. I would love for you to share with me what's resonating or what are some topics that you wish we could do more of or maybe I can have a guest on that could help with them. That really lights me up when we can work together to come up with the things that you need the most. All right, thanks so much. If you haven't bought a copy of the book, maybe today's the day for that, Amazon or my website, wethrive. live. The name of my book is Write Your Own Story, Three Keys to Rise and Thrive As a Badass Career Woman. Thanks so much, make it a great day. When I work with my clients, I want them to discover their unique personal story so they can then stand tall in that story and live a life full of soul and emotions and their natural curiosity about their unique gifts, talents, and abilities so they can live a thriving life because our brains are hardwired for stories and our brain wants us to thrive. So I help my clients tap into that. And I also have a sponsor for this podcast called Storybook, which is a unique and innovative platform that helps you bring your company's stories to life by tapping into the emotional flow and the natural curiosity that we have about your products and services. So check them out. You can go to my website, wethrive. live, click on the stand tall on your story link and see the kind of work they're doing for us, or go to their site, cantaloupe. tv, and there's hundreds of stories there that they've created that you can experience. Check them out. We're so grateful to work with them and for them to sponsor the podcast. And please join the online community at badasswomenscouncil. community where we can continue the conversation and you can meet other badass high achievers like you. Thanks so much. Make it a great day. If you like the music for the podcast, go to iTunes, Spotify, wherever you listen to your music and look up Cameron Hession, Clouds. You can download the full song there. He's got some other stuff out there as well. And yo, he's my son. Be great if you'd go and download some of his stuff.( singing).